thank you, universe

 

I wanted the tips of your fingers to dance along my body,

your lips to write small bits of poetry along my neck-

I wanted your palms to read mine as we held hands on the boardwalk.

I wanted your words to make mine make sense.

 

But your fingers were crooked,

your lips chapped,

your palms cold to the touch,

and your words practically nonexistent.

 

I  wanted your eyes to see me.

I wanted someone to notice how hard I was trying.

I wanted your arms to drape themselves around me like a comforting blanket.

I wanted to feel alive as I lay dying.

 

But your eyes were blinded by Autumn fog-

Your arms around another’s waist-

Your kisses leave road marks

and even your innocence likes to misbehave.

 

I wanted to believe in you.

Not like a religion, not like an opinion-

But like a wayward dream that keeps a person holding on

even if it means failure and loss..

 

I wanted us to dance to Sonic Youth in the middle of the kitchen.

I imagined what movies we’d watch at three in the morning

and how you’d fall asleep before me, and I would just smile at the leaking ceiling.

Thanking the universe for whatever I did right to get that moment.

 

But suddenly my music stopped playing.

Every movie I owned was split down the middle, cracked and carefree

and you fell asleep days before I did without even dreaming of who I was.

I bet you thanked the universe that you wouldn’t have to waste any more time loving me, huh?

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