smoke filled heart

Days pass like a certain smile
I haven’t seen you in quite the while
My scrapbooks don’t even remember your face-
because it’s been gone since the first page.

I want you here, I want you right here.
I want you here so you can tell me what I’ve missed.
It seems I’ve been in this abyss-
of a coma where no one knows I exist.

I’d like to be figured out, I’m complex like a Rubix cube.
You draw me in because so are you.
You can trace my imperfections and I won’t even flinch.
You can kiss my lips and hold me like your cigarettes.

Smoke me, you might get burnt.
Breathe me, you might get hurt.
The warning’s on the carton, but if you want your life to be shortened-
Drag me, fake that you’re happy, act like you take pleasure in hurting.

You’ll try to fix where I’m cracked.
You’ll try to give me what I lack.
And that’s where it’ll all go wrong, you’ll expect so much from me.
You’ll be listening to me sing love songs, thinking that you set me free.
And that’s when you’ll realize you wasted all your energy
On the boy who made you have trouble trying to breathe.
That’s the moment you’ll get up and leave.

Use me, make yourself feel like you’re so brave because you tried.
Confuse me, have me thinking I’ll never heal.
Lose me, I’ll envelope myself in your lies.
Seal myself away to the guy who made me think it was okay to feel.
You’re the reason I feel dead, but the reason I’m alive.

So if you care to switch up your poison and give me another try,
I come in many forms.
You can drink me, shoot me into your veins, or snort me until you realize-
that I’d pick you roses and you’d use the thorns-
as the needle that you’ll press into your eye.
You can cross your heart that you’ll survive.

This is how I feel. Do I make any sense?
It doesn’t matter what I do-
because you’ll realize I’m not even worth it.
That’s how it always ends.

My heart’s ache allows the constant echo.
It rings in your ears and causes you to be deaf-
to all the warnings and the risks.

. . . .

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